It’s not easy to move on but it’s the only way to keep moving, isn’t it ?
It was hard for me in the beginning to accept the fact that my boyfriend slept with some other girl he met after me, everything was happening in front of my eye. I always hated that girl but somewhere i trusted him enough so it was never a problem. He used to tell me each and every thing happening in his life, including what they talked about. I was not insecure because i knew he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. But one day he told me what happened, it was a shock for me, he was explaining but my hear wasn’t ready to listen. I hated myself for trusting him, trusting her.
The depression first started to affect my sleep, I was unable to sleep for weeks the thought was 24×7 in my head. Every time i tried to do something the thought of what happened, why it’s affecting me pops up. I cried myself to bed everyday, i was loosing control on my mind, i started getting panic attacks, there were time when i was unable to breathe. My heart wanted to stay like this but my mind wasn’t ready for this. I realised i have to pick myself up and fave this World. I started reading Sadhguru’s book ‘ flowers on the path ‘ , i started watching his videos at night, from crying myself to bed i started Sleeping while watching any video. I never shared this with anyone, i was scared to be judged, scared to get fake sympathy and ofcourse the pity. It was one to one battle of me with my negative thoughts. I’m still fighting, time is healing me. I’m healing me.
The twist i am still dating that guy. You must be wondering why? There are many reasons, and you must have heard “when you love someone you find reasons to stay with them even of you have many reasons to leave” in my case, even if the reason is the biggest reason to leave. I stayed because i wanted to keep my promises. i promised him, i won’t leave him no matter what. Stupid huh? Well from your point of view yes and from my no. Things would have been thousands time i’d choose to leave him, it will be more difficult to live with the fact that he is living his life in guilt, i saw him crying while telling me about what happend and i was stopping him at that time rather than scolding him or hating him for what he did. Maybe I loved him more than he loved me. It would have been more difficult to accept the fact that he must be dating some other women now. I never wanted to be one of his ex stories. And if you think it was a stupid decision and i will regret this, then all i can say is, it’s been long time and things are smooth now.
#depression #growing #moving #story #storytelling #love #relationship